Always (That which is whispered and thought and never forgotten)
by Nagiru
Summary: "- In the end, there was just an always." Severus Snape and Lily Evans met each other early in their childhood. During their lives, each of them found their own "always".


"After all this time?", the words had rung in his mind, and he closed his eyes in pain. Pain, because he knew the answer. Pain, because he was ashamed. Pain, because he was guilty, and would _never_ be redeemed. So, he steeled himself, opened his eyes again, and stared back at Dumbledore, who looked at him in curiosity. "Always."

* * *

Severus had never had a good childhood. His mother was a wonderful woman, actually, but his father... He didn't like his father. It was actually more accurate to say he preferred to spend his days hiding from Potter and Black than spend a night with his father.

Tobias Snape wasn't a good man. He had a problem with alcohol. He had a problem with his job. He had a problem with his temper. Severus was small, thin, and malnourished. He was the perfect outlet for Tobias' anger — for his drinking-problems, when he would come home from his job tired and drunk, and reaching down to his belt already.

His mother was a wonderful woman. But she was also a scared woman, too afraid to divorce from Tobias.

* * *

Lily Evans was raised by a good family. She had an older sister who was amazing; big Petunia, who was skinny, tall, and good at ordering boys around. She also had two parents — a Mom and a Dad who were proud of her.

Lily was beautiful, charming, and always hoped for the best. She had the biggest smile in the whole neighborhood, and even dressed in jeans and t-shirt she still made the women coo at how cute she was. She was also really good at making friends, even with those who were reluctant. That's how she became friends with Sev — Severus Snape, the boy who lived next to her, with his crooked nose, long hair and brooding mood.

He used to sit with a book on a hill, hiding from everyone... Except her. Because she liked to sit there, as well, and watch the flowers grow. She loved watching the flowers grow. There grew lilies, so beautiful they glowed, and she loved them very much. There was also a park nearby, with a swing where she could almost reach the skies — and a swing from which she could jump and float down to the grass, falling softly among her beloved flowers.

Sev decided to talk to her after that.

She loved talking to Severus, who knew so much about her gifts. Who would tell her about how she was "special" and powerful, and how she could be so much. How she was a witch, just like him. How they were better than jealous Tuney, who started glaring at Lily since the first accident with her magic. Ever since Lily made a flower (a lily) come back to life in her sister's hands, glowing up at her in happiness and expecting a smile back. Ever since she decided her little sister was a _freak_.

Severus, who attacked Petunia to defend her. Attacked her own sister, and said it was okay; Tuney was only a "muggle".

Lily didn't know what to feel about it.

* * *

Lily Potter wasn't as naïve, anymore. She didn't think everyone would turn out good. But she still hoped for the best; she still hoped people could _choose_ the good.

She never stopped hoping the same for Sev, the Sev she once knew as a child. The Sev who would talk to her for hours about how their magic was a gift, and they could change the world with it. The Sev who would help her, when they first entered Hogwarts, with her Potions work, because he liked it, and she still struggled with the difference between fresh ingredients and bottled ingredients, or between smashing and crushing. Sev, who didn't care she was a "lion" instead of a "snake", despite their house rivalry. Sev, who protected her from her sister, who sat by her side late nights, watching the skies back at their muggle neighborhood.

Sev, who called her a mudblood when she tried to help him because James Potter had been a git back then.

She closed her eyes, trying to erase that memory. She didn't like thinking about it. Didn't like thinking about how Severus could just... Brush her off as if she was nothing. As if they had never been friends.

Despite that one memory, however, she still hoped. Because they had a lot more happy memories, and she had loved that little Sev, her little Sev. He had been her first wizarding friend. He had been her first friend after discovering her magic. He had been the one to support her when she was scared, when she was sad from fighting with Petunia.

She couldn't forgive him, yet. But maybe, next term… maybe by summer, when they were back home… Just now, thinking about him hurt too much, but maybe, someday…

Despite not being as naïve anymore, she still hoped for the best. And she knew she would keep hoping for the years coming.

* * *

"Not Harry!" She begged. Pleaded. She knew this was Voldemort, the Dark Lord. She knew that if he had come here it must mean Peter had betrayed them. She knew this meant her second betrayal, but all she could think was _'no, no, no, not yet! I haven't raised Harry to look beyond the hate for Slytherins. To don't give up on his friends. I haven't shown him he's loved!'_... and, if she were to be truthful, there was a little voice in the back of her mind whispering sweetly... brokenly... _'I haven't talked to Sev yet. I haven't asked him to rethink his choices... I haven't shown him I forgive him... I haven't asked him to be there for Harry...'_ All she could do, however, was beg to this man before her, because there was no way she would step away as he asked. There was no way she would see him kill her _son_ and be happy.

So, she closed the lid over those voices, stopped the hurt from blossoming too much, and tried to convince him. She didn't care if she was pleading. She didn't care about pride. All she cared was _this was her son_! So, she squared her shoulders, raised her chin and asked, softly. "Take me. Let Harry live, please!"

She didn't even feel sad about what came next. Only guilty, from not being able to be there for her child. Not being there to give him a family. And, in the end, she still hoped, as the naïve child she had once been; she hoped her only son would live. Hoped he would live and grow up and be loved and have a family. Hoped it turned all to the best in the end. Because, otherwise...

 _"Avada Kedavra!"_

It would have all been for naught.

* * *

— In the end, there was just an _always_. A hope for the best, a pain, a feeling of guiltiness. There was a green light, there were teeth deep into his neck, and there was a murmured voice, a broken promise.

Lily Evans _always_ hoped for the best. Lily Evans _always_ forgave those who wronged her. Lily Evans _always_ loved her friends — even after their betrayal, after their wrong choices, after turning into Lily Potter.

And Severus — Severus Snape was a sad, terrible man. Severus Snape was snarky, was lonely. Severus Snape wasn't loved by many. But Severus Snape _always_ kept his promises, in the end. Even those that went against his first wishes. Yes, he hated James Potter for stealing away his best friend, his first love… Yes, he was never too _fond_ of Harry Potter, the arrogant brat… But he _always_ protected Lily's son, independent of his own feelings. Because Lily had _always_ believed in him. And because Lily was his only friend, his only love, his only family. She was the only thing he would never let go. And if his patronus was forever a doe… The only answer that could even scratch the surface was, after all… _Always_.


End file.
